'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

I don't remember the last time I wrote to you.

There are a few things I always wanted to say but every time I saw you I always forgot, you always did that to me and you probably always will.

So here it goes, all the things I could never bring myself to say to you.

You were my first love, i was so excited when we began making plans for our future even though it was always a doubt we would even last that long, I felt safe when I was with you, I was always afraid to say when you looked really good, I began to trust you again... finally, I knew that even with the differences and issues between us we could always make it through together.
I liked when we would just sit, I liked the weekly ritual of me always going around to your dads on Friday with you just to be with you.

Now that we are no longer together i have a few things to say to you.

When you called me a bitch and a little kid that really hurt, me saying i moved on... was false, it was SHIT timing (I think you know that), you can no longer tell me what to do, the day we broke up i went guy-hunting with Leanne, I realised i shouldn't have actually gotten back together with you after her, no matter what I say about you only some of it is true, you hurt me, i still look at you at school and go AAAWWW even though i know i shouldn't, you avoiding me pisses me off SOOO much, I miss you, I don't think I really cared about you as much as I'd like to, I just wanted to know what you were doing you didn't have to wreak my fun, you were too protective, you always had rules for me that wouldn't apply to you, you had a VERY low maturity level, you called me fat, you weren't there to comfort me all the time.


I guess with me having more negatives than positives show that we should have broken up a long time ago. I'll be strong and even though i still look at you in aww I'll get through this.

True i may have been needy but you could have told me, you could have said that i needed to back off a bit, you could have given me a warning but you didn't so I continued doing what i always did because I didn't know any better.

You were my first love, my first proper relationship so I didn't know any better and you thought you did. Well knowing better requires telling others so they can share that information too. Whatever though I've begun to move on. I no longer go to sleep with a need to text you, I look at others and think no longer of you and if you'll be okay with this, I no longer feel emotionally attached to you and feel confident enough to text other boys not fearing that they'll day the same thing to me that you did.
Lets face it, the first four months of our relationship really made me happy and the other three months made me always went to bed wanting to go back to the first four months before it all turned to hell. I was never able to trust you again the way I ever did. But life is like that.
The fact I could never trust you in full again made it hard for me to actually feel the same way.

No matter how many times I tell myself I've moved on it will be a while until I actually do.

Oh and by the way not talking to someone for a whole day when their over is totally not cool, it's what a little kid would do to someone they didn't like. But you did like me, and at that stage I thought you still loved me.
Guess what I did that night, I went home and cried, this was the point I realised you didn't care that much anymore. I had no idea what to think, but you made it clear on the night of the barn dance when you hugged me the way someone hugs a friend when they don't actually want to hug them and they're just doing it to be polite.
So in a way... thank you, you gave me clues that the next day would not be happy at all, allowing myself to mentally prepare myself for dealing with the loss of you.

So thank you for everything, you gave me experience I would not be able to get by myself.
You may have caused me to look at things in a new light but it has been helpful to me.

I will always care about you even if I don't want to. You will still be a friend to me even if you don't want to be.

" You broke me, you broke my heart, you broke everything! You turned my world upside down and inside out, BUT I know it was worth it for that one moment of love we had, it's a shame it went bad..... "