So I'm pretty sure everyone knows my hoildays went horrible and not at all what was planned. There weere about 15 things that turned my last few weeks to crap.
1) My other grandfather passed away on the last day of term. (Friday)
2) My boyfriend called me the next day to actually talk to me because he knew how bad my life had been and we decied together that its not likely we would be together much longer. (Saturday)
3) after my shower that day i decieded to cook some breakfast and burnt my arm. (Saturday)
4) I went to the Hoilday program i work at and all the little eight year olds wanted piggy backs. They ripped the top of my burn. (Monday)
5) Got told by my boyfriend that he's busy the whole week so we can't hang out. (Monday)
6) Headed up to Hawkes Bay at about eight at night for the funeral the next day. (Tuesday)
7) Arrived at midnight and spent half the night telling my parents to turn the TV down. (Wednesday)
8) Went to the funeral and then hung out with the rest of the family (but that was the enertaining part :-) ) then headed home late that night. (Wednesday)
9) On the way home i texted my boyfreind and asked what he was doing the next day, the reply was "you know i'm busy so don't bother asking". WOW HOLY S***!!!!! i was just asking but if he thinks i'm that clinny then whatevs. (Wednesay)
10)I got invited to my boyfriends house on Thursady by my boyfriends stepmum so i went around for tea like i normally do and he didn't say a word to me, not even hi. DICK! (Friday)
11) Went to the barn dance that my father orgainised and met up with my boyfriend. Didn't speak to me much and then when we talked later in the night it was serious. When he got bored he went to his dad, said he was tried put one arm half around me and patted me with the other and left. To make it worse i noticed earlier in the night that his background had changed to a picture of weed in the shape of the heart. (Saturday)
12) My boyfriend and I met up the next day to talk... and yes this is the talk everyone dreads while in a realationship. We meet up at eleven and that was the piont he said he didn't love me anymore and that because of exams and needing NCEA we should split up, but we should still be friends. (Sunday)
*) The rest of my holiday bar maybe two things went resonably well.
13) Back at school me and my best friend since year one had a MASSIVE fight and i needed support. I texted my ex boyfriend and said i need a hug like it felt like my life was falling apart and no one was there for me. No reply, guess that was a no. (Monday)
14) Passed him at school and went to the opposite side of the staircase. I couldn't handle what he was going to say even if he said anything, I would have thrown a fit as he said he wanted to still be friends even though he's not there when i needed him. (Tuesday)
15) Realised it will actually take awhile to get over him. I know he treated me like shit for the seven months but i have autophobia, the fear of being alone. Everyone has it but i think i have it slightly more knowing my past... (Tuesday)
I've come to the conclusion that the reason i still care is because he is the ONLY person on earth that I've told my biggest secret to and now its more concerning than anything else that for some reason he'll tell everyone if he gets angry at me.
I've found this qoute and i realise that if I learn to live by this then I will have a better outlook on life.
“Things don't go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be.”-- Samuel Johnson
